


Letters For Later

by JPXFRD614, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JPXFRD614/pseuds/JPXFRD614, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Baekhyun receives a letter that Chanyeol wrote 7 years ago.





	Letters For Later

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** Self-prompt  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Chanyeol/Baekhyun, Taewoo  
>  **Word count:** 3547  
>  **Rating:** PG  
>  **Warning(s):** Implied mental illness
> 
>  **Author's note:** Hi! I'm very new on writing fanfics and this is my first ever fic fest. This is unbetaed so just ignore some of the mistakes and there's a part where I didn't put on the warnings because it'll spoil the whole twist (if it's a twist) so I'm just warning you. I hope you'll support my first ever fic! Thank you very much!

### 

_ B _

__  
_ I'm writing this today on September 18, 2011. It's our 3rd year anniversary and by the time this letter reaches you, it'll be our 10th year together and 12th year of knowing each other. This letter will contain two parts.  _ __  
__  
_ First, if we're still together. Whether we are happily married and have children or just simply together.   _ __  
__  
_ I love you. I don't know how our relationship went till this day you are reading this but if we are still together it means I love you still. I love you so much and I hope you're the same cause we've already reached this point of our lives. I'm sure we're now both successful and I'm proud. I don't know how many ups and downs we have already been through but I know that we're both happy. If I've done stupid things, please forgive me. I might be under some kind of drug influence if I ever cheated on you because I'm sure those after years, I would still be pining on you. Only you. And if we are already here, 100 years more to go and you can finally escape these walls of PCY. Which I really know, you can't. You just can't, cause you should be always in my arms and inside my heart. Cheesy isn't it? But I guess that's already my favorite cause the only thing you can cook si mac and cheese. If we aren't married yet, please slap me hard and shout at me to buy you a ring. But I guess I won't need that anymore cause I'm gonna buy you a ring right now. Just to make sure. Though if we are married now, slap me hard if I'm not cooking you breakfast, kissing you every minute and keeping you warm. It's my purpose after coming into your life. Happy Anniversary my smol. You've always been my breather. I don't know how my life would turn out if I didn't met you but I'm sure I would certainly choose this life. For me, you're the most beautiful little creature that exists. Thank you for choosing me too. I love you and I'd make you feel it everyday.  _ __  
__  
_ Second, this is if we are no longer together whether we have broken up for what reason or just simply fate isn't kind to us.  _ __  
__  
_ I love you. I love you still. I will never stop loving you even if I told you so. I'm lying if I said I stopped loving you or I didn't loved you at all. If we have broken up because of me, please knock on my door no matter how long we have already been apart. No matter if I have another person in my life now. No matter what circumstances we are in our lives right now. Just please, knock on my door and say that you love me still. I'll leave everything I have behind and accept you. I'll only need you. If we have broken up because of you. If you already love someone else by now. Knock on my door still and at least give me a last hug. I'll be happy if you're happy. Though I don't think I'll let you leave my arms once you're already wrapped with it. If you already have a family by now and it's not with me, please let your child know I was once part of your life. You're still my breather. You're once the sole purpose of a man and still is. And if the fate isn't that kind to us, wether I need to leave or you need to leave and we just kinda drifted apart. Please fight back because I'm sure I'm really fighting back. I'll do whatever it takes to be with you again. No matter how far the distance. No matter how hard it would take to get to you. I just want our own happy ending. I hope you're the same.  _ __  
__  
_ These words will never change. I know and I feel it. I'm whipped! That's how strong my love is for you. I'm just letting you know since it's our 10th Anniversary and you're probably on your tears right now. If not well, probably on the verge of your tears. We might be in our early thirties by now and funny how we've come this far since I'm writing this and we're only 25. You're already asleep by our bed next to the window of our small dorm room, if you can still remember. Hopefully we are already out of here by the time you read this. This letter will definitely come with roses even if we're on either part of this letter. Just wait for it. And I'll wait for your response and I'll wait for you too till my last breath here on earth. I promise. I love you.  _ __  
__  
_ Till our next life,  _ __  
__  
_ C _ __  


 

* * *

  
  
    Taewoo heard a loud crash coming from their room upstairs. Both he and Athena were startled while playing in the living room. He dropped Athena's toys and quickly stood up.    
  
"Go on play. I'll just go and check daddy upstairs, okay?" He said and patted her hair. Athena only smiled and nodded then continued on brushing her doll's hair. Taewoo promised to get back on their 3 year old child or else, she'll thrash the whole living room again.    
  
He rushed upstairs and towards their shared master bedroom. But he was greeted with a calm looking Baekhyun. Opposite to what he was thinking, that the other might have ensued another of his panic attacks.    
  
"Oh! I dropped my perfume, it's almost empty anyways. Don't worry." Baekhyun smiled and walked past him to retrieve some broom and a rag. Taewoo sighed and watched his husband. He doesn't know why but he's always afraid whenever Baekhyun gets his panic attacks. He already has it when they first met and It's actually the reason. They were co workers, Baekhyun is a new employee and he kind of had his attacks and Taewoo was there to help him. And just like every love story, they started off as friends and developed it. Now they're happily married for 4 years and have a very cute and intelligent daughter, Athena.    
  
Baekhyun mentioned he got it after an incident back when he's still 26. It was so traumatic for him that he never wanted to mention it again to anyone --not even Taewoo-- it triggered his mental health. He was treated but never fully recovered. Whenever his attacks came, Taewoo always has to come home or just be with him. Baekhyun would cry and cry, at least for an hour or two and wouldn't tell why.    
  
  
    A knock came after they both went down stairs. Baekhyun scooping up Athena and tickling her as they went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. It was Saturday and they went out for a family date earlier. It was a routine for them to go out at least once a week, since Taewoo has to work five days in a row for 12 hours. Sundays are usually spent with them watching a movie at home or sleeping all day. Baekhyun quit his job after having Athena.    
  
Taewoo went after the door, hearing Baekhyun singing, talking and laughing with their daughter. He smiled to himself with how loud they were. He was greeted by Kyungsoo when he opened the door. He's with his partner, Junmyeon. They both have a small smile on their faces when they greeted him.    
  
"Hi, tae!" Kyungsoo greeted him first.    
  
"Oh, hello soo." He said and opened the door wider. "Jun" he nodded his head to Junmyeon while smiling and Junmyeon smiled back. They are Baekhyun's friends or mostly just Kyungsoo from their hometown. They are friends since childhood and met Junmyeon on their college years. Along with their other friend Chanyeol, whom he knows as Baekhyun's ex. "Come in! Baekhyun's just preparing dinner."    
  
"Oh no! We are just here to give this to Baek." Kyungsoo said, lifting his hand holding a white envelope. He saw a neat handwritten word in the middle, that said 'my smol'. Taewoo gulped, suspecting whom it came from.    
  
"Ahh- we're really in a rush so we're only dropping this off."  Kyungsoo said and gulped. "And can you please not tell him whom this letter came from?"    
  
"Why?" He asked.    
  
"Let him know it by himself and...because it's from Chanyeol."    
  
  
    Baekhyun heard the door closed and Taewoo came in the kitchen holding a white envelope. Athena was already on her chair loudly waiting for her food. She has always been talkative and loud. She also loves singing just like Baekhyun.    
  
"Who's that?" Baekhyun asked as he put some plates on the dining table. Taewoo puts down the envelope on the counter and went to Baekhyun.    
  
"It was Kyungsoo and Junmyeon. They went to drop that here." Taewoo said and pointed the envelope.    
  
"Oh, where are they?" Baekhyun said. He was about to go to the living room when Taewoo stopped him by hugging him by his waist.    
  
"They already left, said they were in a rush."    
  
"Really? What's inside the envelope though?" Baekhyun also went to grab the envelope but was stopped again by Taewoo.    
  
"Let's eat dinner first okay? Then you can open it later while I play with Athena."    
  
    They ate dinner, talking and laughing. That's just how they are every day. Baekhyun is happy he has them. He cannot be thankful enough. He never thought he would have a family of his own one day; Happily settled with a loving husband and child. Everything was just so different from his dreams years ago.    
  
Taewoo played with Athena as Baekhyun grabbed the envelope and went to their room for privacy. He didn't notice the handwritten word on it at first. But when he did, a wave of nausea washed over him. Right there, right on top of the letter is Chanyeol's hand writing. It says 'my smol' which he was only called by Chanyeol.    
  
He had always had his panic attack and right now, he's trying very very hard to keep calm and control his breathing. He hasn't gone on opening the envelope yet but his head already feels light. But his chest is so so heavy. He put a hand over his mouth as tears escaped his eyes. He choked and swallowed down all the sob coming out from him. He sinked on the bed as he inhaled sharply and tightly closed his eyes.    
  
It's him.    
  
It has always been him. Chanyeol, his 'tol' while he is 'smol'. That lanky guy he met at the university. Who likes greek mythology and pirates. He always invited himself in Baekhyun's dorm. That guy who did everything just to be his dorm mate, five months after first meeting him. Chanyeol was always pining on him. Whom he actually thought was a stalker after following him around the campus for weeks.Baekhyun really enjoyed having a talk with him because they have the same sense of humor and same taste in music. That guy who always dreamt about being a Novelist because he loves stories. He would always encourage Baek to keep chasing his dreams. He has always been Baekhyun's inspiration to finish his studies. He always made him smile, laugh and be as loud as him. Their professors always have frowns on their faces after the two of them enters the classroom because of how loud and boisterous they are.    
  
That guy who made him feel loved for the first time in his life. He's his first everything. That guy he loved for the first time. His first relationship.    
  
Their relationship was never easy. They always have eyes on them. Being both coming from a not very fortunate family is another. They always have limited time for each other. Always have limited bonding for they cannot afford more than just the convenience store and an illegally downloaded movie. It didn't mattered though, as long as they have each other. They help each other through their ups and downs even as just a young adult, building their own way. They always dreamed of being successful and overcoming all the challenges they'll have, together.    
  
Baekhyun teared open the envelope. It's a letter. It was written seven years ago by Chanyeol. By the one that got away.    
  
  
  
  
  
    Taewoo heard once again a loud crashing from upstairs. This time he knew it's another panic attack by his husband. He knew because by now Baekhyun had already finished reading the letter.    
  
He rushed upstairs and opened the door. Having the same feeling for years every time Baekhyun gets one of his panic attacks. He isn't allowed to panic too, he should know what to do calmly and orderly instead. He kneeled beside Baekhyun who's half sitting and lying on the floor. He seemed to have lost his breath and had his mouth open for air. His eyes are red and just full of tears. Taewoo quickly grabbed an inhaler inside their beside table and moved behind Baekhyun to sit him properly. He put the inhaler in his mouth and leaned Baekhyun's back and head on his chest.    
  
"Breath okay? Breathe with me, one..." Taewoo said and inhaled along with Baekhyun as he put the inhaler in his mouth. Baekhyun gulped the supposed medicine inside the inhaler and released a huge amount of air.    
  
But he only sobbed again after that caused another need for intake of his medicine. They stayed like that for a moment. Breathing together, Taewoo guiding Baekhyun. And after minutes, Baekhyun finally calmed down and started to breathe properly. Though he wrapped an arm around Taewoo's neck and sobbed on his chest.    
  
"I'm sorry." Baekhyun weakly said.    
  
"What for?" Taewoo replied. He has also hugged the latter back.    
  
"For not telling you...what this is all about. What caused me to be like this." Baekhyun murmured on his shirt.    
  
"It's alright. I don't have to know if it'll cause you pain. I don't want you to get hurt." Taewoo said but Baekhyun didn't said anything back. "I love you"    
  
But Baekhyun stayed silent.    
  
  
    Baekhyun went back to normal after a few minutes and Athena came into the room that surprised them both. She's still prohibited to use the stairs alone. So they started lecturing her in a calm and loving way. She's also cleaned and tucked to bed by taewoo as Baekhyun gathered the letter. He sat on the study desk inside their bedroom and pulled out a pen and paper.    
  
Even if he's crying. He's definitely angry and frustrated inside. He doesn't know why Chanyeol would do that and why would Kyungsoo hide such things to him. But that's the purpose of the letter isn't it. It wasn't supposed to come until today, September 18, 2018.    
  
Chanyeol said he will wait for his reply and he will wait for him. So Baekhyun decided to write him a letter too.    
  
  
   The morning after, is Sunday. Means they're free from anything. No errands or work to do -- except when there's special occasions. So Baekhyun planned on delivering his reply today back to his sender. His eyes hurt from crying all night. He cannot sleep all night too.    
  
It took him one try to write the letter. No mistakes, just everything he wanted to say. It also took him hours on finishing it. But it didn't matter. Hopefully after this, he planned on finally moving on. He needs to forget him. He needs to heal.    
  
He didn't bothered on taking a bath nor changing his clothes. He sealed his letter and went out of the house as soon as the sun rosed. Hailing a cab and sleep on his way to Chanyeol. Baekhyun planned on bringing roses just like what the letter said but didn't happened. But what's the point if Chanyeol won't appreciate it anyway.    
  
He feels so numb. But it'll make all the pain go away, it will. He knows because there should be no more letters for later. No more promises that was really meant to be broken. No more man that has the purpose of being with him. This should all stop now.    
  
Baekhyun was dropped by the cab in front of a field. A field with the same numb and colorless feels as his. A field of words written on a stone. He walked further and futrther until he spotted it.    
  
He saw Chanyeol again but it's only his stone.    
  
He died back when they were still 26. It was supposed to be their 4th anniversary. It happened so fast that Baekhyun was traumatized. Chanyeol was diagnosed with a stage 3 gastric cancer, two months after their 3rd year anniversary. After he wrote that letter. The doctors gave them hope by saying he'll be better. That it won't go further to death. They lived inside the hospital for months. Baekhyun had to work harder because he just started working after they graduated. He had to work harder for Chanyeol because that's what the rings on their fingers symbolizes for. He needs to work hard because he should and he wants to. And Chanyeol had to work harder too, to survive.    
  
It was shortly after their 4th anniversary inside a hospital room. Chanyeol gave up and Baekhyun too. He was devastated for years. Until he realizes there's no point on slacking anyway. It's not like the world will magically make him happy. So he tried to move on but it left a mark on him.    
  
Baekhyun sat on Chanyeol's grave for hours until the sun is too hot to bare. Then he left there on the ground, his letter.    
  
  


* * *

  
  
_ It doesn't matter what date or time I wrote this, it also doesn't matter what date or time you'll read this because you most certainly won't. I'm mad at you for doing this. You're so frustrating Chanyeol! For making me like this. For making me miserable for years and for tonight when I've finally found someone else and built a family of my own.  _ __  
__  
_ It happened Chanyeol. What you said, it happened. Fate isn't really kind to us. The second part of your letter happened. But how can I knock on your door and come back to your arms when you're not here anymore? How can I fight back the distance between us when you're simply so so far away. What you said. It is really devastating with all the what ifs. When you said, you hope I love you still because of how far we've gone. Yes, I love you still even with how far you've gone. When you said, to forgive you if you ever did something stupid or if you ever cheated on me. It wouldn't happen because I wouldn't let it happen. I'll be whatever you wanted me to be just to become the apple of your eye. I wouldn't also try to escape that great wall of PCY because it's where the warmest and the most comfortable place on the Universe. I also know a lot of dish now. Including your favorites- I'm sorry. You're favorite is an instant ramen from the convenience store. But I do know how to cook now and we probably afford real foods by now. I still keep our engagement bands. Though yours are now 10 feet below the ground. Mine is under my pillow and I probably have thrown it away by now after I drop this letter. Somewhere on the way to this field, with my eyes closed so I won't know where it will go. I also have a husband now and a daughter now.  Yes, My husband cooks me breakfast, kisses me every minute and keeps me warm. Just like what you would do if you're still here. But unlike you. I don't have a breather any more. It's been years and years when It started to feel like breathing is so hard. When you left. It felt like breathing has no point at all. But I guess you wouldn't want that for me. And I also don't want that for me. I'm sorry if I moved on because I should. And you also probably wanted me to.  _ __  
__  
_ But right now I really want to give you that one last hug you wanted on the second part of your letter. I'll probably give you more that just a hug. 'Further than a kiss' is more appropriate to use. I'm also hoping that in the next life you'd still accept me like what you said even though you already have someone else. And I'll also tell Athena about a man who's once his papa's breather. About a man that used to make me the happiest person and the most loved creature in the Universe. Though I'd be moving on. You would still be a part of me. Always is an understatement. You'll be here with me. No time specified.  _ __  
__  
_ I'm also whipped. Now that I'm 32 and I received no roses along with your letter, I'll probably just say that you're old flame who's hard to put off. You have always been my warmth tol. I love you.  But right now we must part ways and see. I do not promise nor I will wait.  _ __  
__  
_ Till' our next life _ __  
__  
  



End file.
